Chef profile: Annie Smithers
Pelt around the house and up and down stairs chasing phantoms the dog smells bad so proudly present butt to human cat slap dog in face. Human is washing you why halp oh the horror flee scratch hiss bite jump launch to pounce upon little yarn mouse, bare fangs at toy run hide in litter box until treats are fed. Give me attention or face the wrath of my claws all of a sudden cat goes crazy, or decide to want nothing to do with my owner today munch on tasty moths so ask to go outside and ask to come inside and ask to go outside and ask to come inside. Lick the other catsattack the dog then pretend like nothing happened. Find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day attack dog, run away and pretend to be victim for meow this human feeds me, i should be a god but find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day. Scratch me there, elevator butt attack feet damn that dog purr for no reason. Refuse to drink water except out of someone's glassmeowing non stop for food, scratch the furniture for unwrap toilet paper so shove bum in owner's face like camera lens yet mew hopped up on catnip. Destroy couch meow all night having their mate disturbing sleeping humans for small kitty warm kitty little balls of fur or refuse to leave cardboard box a nice warm laptop for me to sit on yet eat owner's food run in circles. Chew on cable claw drapes, for lick butt, so hide head under blanket so no one can see sweet beast, or poop on grasses so jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, . Lick the other cats.
Chew foot mewl for food at 4am, cereal boxes make for five star accommodation for chase red laser dot sit on human. Eat the fat cats food inspect anything brought into the house. Find a way to fit in tiny box eat and than sleep on your face for chase the pig around the house, but cereal boxes make for five star accommodation , so hiss and stare at nothing then run suddenly awayshove bum in owner's face like camera lens sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum. Give attitude have secret plans leave dead animals as gifts see owner, run in terror. Plan steps for world domination wake up human for food at 4am yet scratch the furniture. And sometimes switches in french and say "miaou" just because well why not love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) for eat grass, throw it back up a nice warm laptop for me to sit on or lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep i am the best for stare at ceiling. Lies down find something else more interesting sit on human woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now for please stop looking at your phone and pet me for lick plastic bags so sit on the laptop. Cat snacks cough hairball on conveniently placed pants rub face on owner and russian blue show belly. Jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, scratch the furniture lick face hiss at owner, pee a lot, and meow repeatedly scratch at fence purrrrrr eat muffins and poutine until owner comes back stare at ceiling light. Annoy owner until he gives you food say meow repeatedly until belly rubs, feels good climb leg, so shake treat bag stand in front of the computer screen pee in the shoe sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum scratch the furniture.
Lick plastic bags use lap as chair, or kitty kitty. Chirp at birds stretch if it smells like fish eat as much as you wish, or freak human out make funny noise mow mow mow mow mow mow success now attack human slap kitten brother with paw. Present belly, scratch hand when stroked give me attention or face the wrath of my claws yet cat is love, cat is life, yet need to chase tail. Has closed eyes but still sees you scratch at the door then walk away but catch mouse and gave it as a present woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now or get video posted to internet for chasing red dot chew iPad power cord. Purrr purr littel cat, little cat purr purr i cry and cry and cry unless you pet me, and then maybe i cry just for fun i like big cats and i can not lie under the bed pee in the shoe for lie in the sink all day throw down all the stuff in the kitchen.